Generational Influence - part 2
The Blessing and the Curse
by Rev. Wally Yew

No father or mother ever wanted to leave a negative impact upon his or her children. Parents mean well. Their intentions are usually good. But, being human, they might be passing on their own hurts to their children unconsciously.

The Impact of Parental Favoritism
The patriarchs, from Abraham to Jacob, displayed favoritism. Abraham and Sarah favored Isaac over Ishmael resulting in discord between the brothers. The fact that Isaac favored Esau and Rebekah favored Jacob resulted in the mistrust and hatred of Esau over Jacob. You remember Esau was so angry he vowed to kill his brother. Jacob favored Joseph over his ten older brothers because Joseph was born by his favorite wife, Rachel.

Every patriarch had a different reason to show his favoritism, but the end result was the same: disharmony, tension, and mistrust among their children, sometimes resulting in murder. 

The Effect of Parental Sins
Besides favoritism, sin committed by parents is probably the most common culprit bringing hurt to the following generation. David’s sin with Bathsheba brought very damaging consequences upon himself and his children, not to mention upon Uriah and people associated with him. We see death, incest, rebellion, and murder among David’s children. After David’s son, Amnon, raped his half-sister, Tamar, Absalom was so angry and hurt (2 Samuel 13:20-22) he killed Amnon and rebelled against his father, David. Absalom waited two years for David to intervene, but his father did nothing. Is it possible David’s failure to intervene was due to his unresolved conscience of his sinful affair with Bathsheba? Could Absalom’s rebellion be partially explained by his anger against David for his failure to discipline Amnon, which caused his sister to spend her whole life in misery?

Maybe we can learn a lesson here: wounded person produces more wounds. Hurt begets hurt.

A Personal Story
I have very little memory of my father during the first ten years of my life. I remember he had a huge, bright red motorcycle, a Harley Davidson, but my father never gave me a ride on it. I have no memory of ever having dinner with my father. I don’t have memory of having any interaction with my father, verbal or non-verbal. I don’t have any memory of doing anything with my father!

From bits and pieces of information gleaned from my older siblings and my aunts, I came to the understanding my father was probably in another city with another woman during a good bit of my childhood. And when he was in town, he was probably out at night when I went to bed and did not get up when I left for school in the morning. My father was not a bad person. He was just a product or a victim of his time. His father was successful at work so my father did not have to work. For a person of his status, it was not unreasonable to have two or more wives.

Having no memory of one’s father does not help a child or an adult son in any way. If anything, it has a negative impact upon his life. It took me many years to come to the place where I could admit I had an absentee father who was not loyal to my mother. My faith in Christ has helped me come to terms with my father. I can understand him being a victim of his time, and I can forgive him. But my two older brothers have not come around to respect my father. In fact, for many years, my oldest brother would not even sit in the same car with my father.

The fact my father had two wives brought a lot of pain and hurt to my mother. My mother, being hurt, in turn mistreated one of my siblings who, being hurt, tended to hurt others. My father’s unfaithfulness has caused disharmony among his children and its echoing effects are still being felt in the third generation.

Wounded people tend to produce more wounds. And the cycle keeps repeating itself.

In every family, there are bound to be some hurts. If we are not careful and take time to deal with our wounds, we can easily turn around and hurt others. Are you willing to look into your life and see if there is any hurt? Are you willing to deal with it by the grace and forgiveness of Christ?

<Rev. Wally Yew is the Ministry Ambassador of CCMUSA>